There's really no denying it: lawn ornaments are just about the tackiest things around. Until recently, I had not had personal experience with lawn ornaments...then I bought a house with a front yard that the previous owners (let's call them Mr. and Mrs. Bluehair) had peppered with bizarre statuary. The Bluehairs seemed to think that they were doing us a favor by leaving behind their hand-painted decorations. For some reason, every last one of those god-awful things had red eyes. We had an entire cast-concrete army of rabid-looking squirrels, toads, donkeys and kissing Dutch kids.

Needless to say, most of these items were quickly removed from the yard and deposited in a landfill far, far away.

Oddly, in total contradiction to the way I feel about all other sorts of lawn ornaments, I have a fondness for pink plastic flamingoes (mingoes, for short). You know the kind I'm talking about...the lifesized ones in various neck-craning poses and the trademark bright salmon pink color. Commonly spotted on the lawns of folks who live nowhere near a flamingo's natural habitat.

Sean and Sophie presented me with two of the gigantic birds this year as a Mother's Day gift. Actually, Sean roused me from bed Mother's Day morning with an urgent, "Come downstairs! Two birds are in the house and I need your help getting them outside!" And there they were, propped up against the sofa in all their obnoxious pink glory.

We named them Fred and Ethel. I strongly suspect that they are a breeding pair.

Being very large, Fred and Ethel and their potential squadron of Juniors need an appropriately-sized territory. My goal is to create a backyard mingo habitat that is quirky rather than tacky. A tall order, indeed, but I think it can be done.

Ground breaks Memorial Day weekend! Stay tuned for pictures from the project...