If you use any of these pictures without my consent, I will hunt you down and cut you. Got it? Contact me as necessary.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

 

Greetings on a lazy snowy Sunday morning! We didn't get to sleep in today because someone who was supposed to be "snuggling" suddenly stood up in the bed and announced, "Do the bummy dance! Wiggle wiggle wiggle!"

That particular someone has been rather cute and entertaining this weekend. For example:

# posted by Amanda at 10:20 AM | 0 comments

Friday, January 28, 2005

 

New this week at Cheezwerks HQ: site statistics that are somewhere in the neighborhood of 500 more hits per day than usual. This was moderately thrilling (dude! visitors!) until I noticed that approximately 95% of that increased traffic was from people who are huffing the final gasping breaths of Paige Davis' career as an "entertainment personality". Apparently, her entire rabid fan base WILL sift through 83 gazillion websearch results just to be sure they don't miss even ONE ancient offhand observation about the woman. LET'S END THE OBSESSION NOW, shall we?

# posted by Amanda at 9:22 PM | 0 comments

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

 

Baby Formula From Heaven

The kind folks at Similac sent me two sample cans of powdered baby formula yesterday. Someone must've incorrectly queried the marketing database because Sophie is waaaaay beyond the bug juice stage. And I'm not storing it on the off chance that I'll need it before it expires in November 2006. So, lucky lucky new parent/pregnant readers, please let me know if you would like a small can of powdered (1) Similac (milk-based) or (2) Isomil (soy-based). Mangia!



Also, Sophie woke up with a serious case of Bride of Frankenstein hair this morning. This picture was taken after two brushings and shortly before her head was swallowed whole by her hair.

# posted by Amanda at 8:49 AM | 0 comments

Sunday, January 23, 2005

 

Trolling for opinions is my standard new hair post-mortem process, regardless of whether I like the style. Y'know, just in case I might be blissfully unaware that I'm actually walking around with a raging case of Undiagnosed Bad Hair. I sent a photo of my current haircut and color to Allura and asked what she thought of it.

Her response? "It's realistic!"

I should point out that Ms. Allura - who hasn't left her house since Tuesday and has been sucked into Resident Evil 4 all weekend - quickly explained that she meant that it looks natural, rather than that it's almost lifelike.

# posted by Amanda at 1:20 PM | 0 comments

Friday, January 21, 2005

 

Despite the forecast calling for all manner of wintry ick over the next two days, the flower and seed catalogs started arriving in our mailbox this week. A normal person might consider it just another hefty heap of junk mail. To me, it is YARD PORN. Visual stimulation for my garden fantasy! Delivered right to my door! Me and the catalogs, we will have a torrid affair, a few months of sneaking off together for long private moments and making secret plans and promises that neither of us intend to keep. Then the weather will warm up and the carefree romance will end as the reality of lawn and garden work sets in. And dude, where's the fun in THAT?

Speaking of BIG FUN, have I mentioned that Sophie is two now? No really. She's very, very two. Symptoms of this condition include publicly informing a rather masculine strange woman that she has "man's hair" and bringing the loudest place on earth - The Hard Rock Cafe - to a screeching halt by being EVER SO MUCH LOUDER. Oh, and throwing a plate. Toddlers! So cute, you could just BITE them! No doubt, parents of pre-toddlers hear these stories and their unembittered little pink hearts pound with pure horror as they think DEAR GAWD NOT THE HARD ROCK! Actually, we're finding that with proper supervision, the ummm refreshing energy of a two-year-old can be harnessed and channeled into mutually beneficial activities. Behold! Wintry weather is no match for a toddler who's hopped up on leftover candy canes and wields her very own shovel!

# posted by Amanda at 9:49 PM | 0 comments

Monday, January 17, 2005

 

As it turns out, it is extraordinarly easy to get fantastic service at a designer leathergoods store when one walks in and announces, "I intend to buy the biggest handbag you have!" If you've not had an entire snooty salestaff petting you and telling you that you're pretty, I highly recommend the experience.

Immediately following the purchase of one ginormous and sexy black leather designer bag, Sean replaced his still-smoking credit card into his wallet, turned to me and said, "You do realize that every Jewish gene in my body has just imploded, right?"

To which I responded, "Yeah? Well, you realize that every Jewish gene in MY body has just reached orgasm, right?"

# posted by Amanda at 11:10 PM | 0 comments

Thursday, January 13, 2005

 

Ghastly Birthday Party Themes and Other Fun

For those of you following along at home, Sophie turned two last Thursday. We have the t-shirt to prove it. Her birthday party theme was supposed to be snowmen, but then I got confused and bought a bear cake pan instead of the snowman cake pan. Polar bears...snowmen...practically the same thing. Last year, her birthday cake was decorated with 12 tiny vaguely penguin-shaped blobs, most of which looked like they had survived a nuclear reactor disaster and/or generations of enthusiastic inbreeding. This year, since a 3-D polar bear cake isn't disturbing enough on its own, we lopped off the head and let Sophie attack it with a fork.

Yes, we are depositing her birthday gift money directly into her therapy fund.



Notes From Various Lunch Breaks
  • People who drive Lexus SUVs should avoid the total wanker move of holding up the drive-thru lane in order to agonize over the Dollar Menu. Just a hunch, but I bet you can afford to splurge. GET THE BIG MAC AND MOVE ALONG, FOR CHRISSAKE.
  • A concept whose time has come and gone is that of the eatery that breaks into song while preparing customers' orders. The entire shopping center does not need to be alerted to the fact that my sweatpants-clad self is buying a vat-sized ice cream with various "mix-ins" at an ungodly early hour.
  • I probably wouldn't go out to lunch so often if I didn't have a coworker with a propensity for totally inappropriate lunchtime conversations, such as her dog's digestive problems (ALL THE DAMN TIME). It's things like this that make me regret working with English speakers.

# posted by Amanda at 12:32 PM | 0 comments

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

 

Postcards from The Office

Spotted on possibly the deadest plant I've ever seen:

# posted by Amanda at 12:57 PM | 0 comments

Thursday, January 06, 2005

 

Wow, being a parent is just...wow. There's nothing quite like the swell of joy and love I feel when seeing Sophie's little face light up with excitement when I pick her up at Grammom and Granddad's house, only to have her barrel right past me into the kitchen while shouting, "MORE COOKIES!" as Grammom sheepishly explains that Sophie was promised a cookie upon my arrival. COOKIES DON'T BUY ALL YOUR PRETTY CLOTHES, KID.

# posted by Amanda at 7:58 PM | 0 comments

Saturday, January 01, 2005

 

Who'd have guessed that one day I'd think these are the cutest things in the world?





Hard to believe that my baby will be TWO YEARS OLD on Thursday...

# posted by Amanda at 9:14 PM | 0 comments

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