Saturday, February 05, 2005
My alma mater keeps sending me their alumni magazine, which I can only assume is part of their continued effort to suck a donation out of me. This despite the fact that I have repeatedly told them HAHAHAHA GO ASK ALUMNI WHOSE ADVISORS DIDN'T GO ON SABBATICAL MIDWAY THROUGH THEIR GRADUATE PROGRAMS. The back cover of the latest edition of the magazine has a photo of crowds of people - adults and children - frolicking in the McKeldin Fountain. This leads me to the conclusion that the collective bunch of people who photographed the scene, selected it for the layout and then approved it for print HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE ABOUT THE SECRET LIFE OF MCKELDIN FOUNTAIN. No one who was ever a student at UMCP and has been anywhere near that fountain on a Friday or Saturday night would voluntarily take their family wading in it.
FOOLS.
Let me explain: McKeldin Fountain is in the middle of a large grassy area in the approximate middle of campus, which is the halfway point between the fraternity houses and two-thirds of the dorms. After an extended off-campus evening drinking jungle juice* served "party style" out of large plastic trashcans**, followed by a lurching walk back to campus, McKeldin Fountain comes along right about the time that our young beermongers realize that they really really need to pee or really really need to puke. Essentially, on party nights, the fountain becomes campus' largest outdoor public toilet.
Doesn't that just make you wanna gather up your young'uns and baptize them in college waters?
* Recipe for Jungle Juice: Grain alcohol, Kool-Aid (any flavor) and the wishful thinking of a couple dozen hormonal young guys.
** Yes. It was elegant. And then during our walk back to campus, my friend Carrie went for a swim in McKeldin Fountain while somebody else (NOT ME, I SWEAR) puked into it. So people, I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT HERE.
# posted by Amanda at 1:04 PM |
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