Friday, April 30, 2004
The Loudest Ten Pounds in the World
Before Sean and I got our dog three and a half years ago, we did a lot of research into breed characteristics. We objectively evaluated our lifestyle and considered what kind of dog would be a good fit with our home. When we found the toy poodle breed to be a match, we swallowed our pride, totally discounted any silly little aesthetic concerns about whether Sean would seem somewhat emasculated walking a poodle, gave up all ideas of owning a Big Dog (okay, MY pipedreams about jogging with a large canine companion) and brought Toby home to live with us. Then we embraced the obnoxiousness factor and bought him several tiny coats and coordinated leash sets.
Truthfully, Toby is a great dog and has completely surpassed our expectations. Most of the "iffy" personalty issues of the toy poodle breed simply don't apply. He is friendly almost to a fault, rugged enough to take hiking and has only had one submissive peeing incident, which happened because Sean thought it would be funny to chase him with the carpet shampooer. (Who had the last laugh there, huh?!) Also, better living through poodles means that I don't have to sweep up Sophie's rejected toddler chow after dinner: he's a vacuum AND a mop!
So, you'd think that a small dog would be a fairly unobtrusive member of the household. You would be completely incorrect. Toby achieves the noise volume of a dog 10 times his size, and has a gift for being loud when everything else is museum-quality quiet. It's like he can't stand silence and feels compelled to fill it with poodle noises. Volume-wise, he goes to 11. Frequently.
There is the licking. You might wonder how a tiny dog with a tiny tongue can lick himself loudly enough for it to be an annoying sound. Imagine trying to fall asleep after a long day, only to hear "sslppp-sslppp-sslpp...sslppp-sslppp-SWALLOW-sslppp..." coming from the foot of the bed. At some point, either Sean or I will snarl, "It's clean, leave it alone." (Use your imagination regarding the "it" in question.) Of course, always needing to have the last word, Toby's response is invariably, "Ssl---BURP! *smack smack smack*." Both the picture and the audio are most unwelcome any time of day, but particularly when they are the last thing in my mind before drifting off to sleep.
Then there is the chewing. Toby eats his food ONE KIBBLE AT A TIME, presumably to maximize the duration of the crunching noises that we're treated to hearing. He also has spare kibble strategically placed throughout the house so that if he's ever in a room that is too quiet for his tastes, he can retrieve a kibble and chomp away on it.
And the barking? GAWD, the barking! Toby is now about two inopportune barking jags away from having to wear a corrective collar. The barking heralds everything from cars pulling into our driveway to leaves falling from trees, and occurs with such vigor and stamina that I wonder exactly what kind of stimulant he's on. Are dog food manufacturers sneaking caffeine into their small dog products? Is it a misguided attempt to enhance pep and energy, or is it something much more sinister, like an evil conspiracy to perpetuate the Myth of the Small Yappy Dog? If that's the case, SOMEBODY will be getting a nasty consumer complaint the next time Toby goes bark-happy while Sophie is napping.
# posted by Amanda at 11:08 AM |
0 comments
| About
In short, the meandering thoughts of a
proud mama, workaholic researcher, poodle owner, multi-cat slave, sometime artist and Southern girl. Want more
details?
This site has been
around in various incarnations since 1999; major redesign efforts seem to
coincide with Big Personal Changes.
Twitter Updates
Main
Archives
September
2008
August
2008
July
2008
June
2008
May
2008
April
2008
March
2008
February
2008
January
2008
December
2007
November
2007
October
2007
September
2007
August
2007
July
2007
June
2007
May
2007
April
2007
March
2007
February
2007
January
2007
December
2006
November
2006
October
2006
September
2006
August
2006
July
2006
June
2006
May
2006
April
2006
March
2006
February
2006
January
2006
December
2005
November
2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April-May,
2003
January-March,
2003
July-December,
2002
April-June,
2002
January-March,
2002
October-December,
2001
July-September, 2001
Galleries
Q&A: The Photographic
Interview
"
Postcards From Penguins" Photo Contest
26Things: November 2003
Farm Science Review Photo
Essay
Montreal Photo
Essay
Art Gallery
Previous Mastheads
Writings
Nine Months - Pregnancy Journal for Sophie
Other
Baby
Girl
The Pink Flamingo
Project
Domicile
Critters
Wishlist
Links
a little pregnant
allura
barefoot and...
Dooce
Finslippy
Fussy
Lindsayism
little pink flower
little. yellow. different.
The
Midwestgrrl
mimi smartypants
Rearview Mirror
Rude
Cactus
so the fish said...
Tequila Mockingbird
What Does a Girl Do?
Wiztalk
McSweeney's
Lists
5ives
Laura's NYC Tales
DC City
Paper
Washington Post
MetaFilter
fark.com
Lincoln Park Trixie Society
Rather Good
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-NoDerivs 2.5 License.
|
