Monday, March 08, 2004
Currently in bed, with laptop propped on my knees and large sluglike cat balled up at my feet. I'm too tired to be anywhere with hard edges, but just awake enough to cycle into yet another post-mortem of the day, the month, the year, the life. To my left is the book I just finished picking through: Surviving Saturn's Return: Overcoming the Most Tumultuous Time of Your Life. A friend and I bought copies a few weeks ago after another friend of mine mentioned the Saturn Return Theory in her journal. In short, the theory states that the couple of years before the Big Three-Oh is a profoundly and universally chaotic time for women. Also bundled in is the idea that a Radical Life Change can be expected to occur sometime between ages 28-30. Sometimes the change is for the best, sometimes it is not. As the book cites, Gwen Stefani dyed her hair bug juice pink during her Saturn Return phase; I'll let you come to your own conclusions there.
I'd say there's a fair amount of regrouping and reorganization going on in my life at the moment. Obviously, becoming a mommy was a huge gear shift both in lifestyle and in how I and others view me. Truthfully, though, most of the life debris that I'm sifting through is actually aftershock from the panic that set in as I approached age 27 - the "I'm in my LATE TWENTIES now, aaaaa!" freakout. Me, being the hurry-up girl that I am, got a jumpstart on my Saturn Return unrest so that by the time Saturn fully entered Cancer (where it was when I was born, and where it is now...hence, return) the self-inflicted craziness had mostly petered out to just dealing with the aftermath. And getting rid of any clothing that looked like a wardrobe item from Britney Spears' last tour.
When I picked up the book, I was expecting - or maybe just hoping - to find something in it to explain away every assy event from the previous three years and next one. At the very least, I wanted to have that "Eureka!" moment of pulling from the text some meaning that fits in a very personal way. Instead, not a bit of Saturn-in-Cancer seemed to apply to my present situation, save for maybe this gem: "Cancer needs lunacy and lunatics." (I'm not sure if I need those things, per se, but I sure do seem to attract them. In droves. Honestly, I'd probably miss them if they were gone.) I don't approach things cautiously from the side (prefering the blunt force trauma effect of front-end impact), I'm comfortable in my own skin but not to the point of hermitting, and I'm 100% sure that whether or not my mommy loved me enough is not the root cause of any emotional damage I may or may not have.
If there is anybody else out there who read the book with interest in Saturn in Cancer and got anything more than an ill-fitting crab analogy, would you be so kind as to email and enlighten me?
# posted by Amanda at 11:09 PM |
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